Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Tough Love....

Another saga in my life is my son....


Understanding, empathy, compassion, support, comforting, nurturing and believing are all words


that describe how I've tried to parent him...


to no avail...


and so,


I've been left to parent him by....




tough love is not easy...

it keeps you up at night...
wake less hours upon end...
consumed with self doubt...am I doing the right thing?
worried there will be dire consequences...

but in the end...

when all else fails...

there are no other choices ....
(in my opinion that is)

Don't get me wrong, my son, who is now 24, has had some hard times...

his Dad (my husband) died a quick death (3 months) of cancer when he was 16


at the time, he was an honor student taking advance placement courses...


after my husbands passing things changed


no, there were little signs of trouble beforehand


but, nothing of what was to come...


he began skipping school,


at one point, threatened suicide


all addressed by counseling


BUT


NOTHING


worked


he, finally dropped out of school


disrespected every rule in the house...


out of anger, broke furniture


put holes in the walls..


laid around the house doing nothing...
(yes, he was on medication for depression)


I would come home from work with nothing but a mess in the house...


with him laying on the couch playing video games with his friends
endless parties at all hours of the night,
(I would ask his friends to leave but they would not)
sneaking out of the house,
partying was his way of life,


this is putting my life style at the time lightly...


FINALLY.....


my family and I convinced him to join the Air Force


he took his GED and soon joined


now 5 years later


I received a phone call yesterday


the military kicked him out


not even the military would tolerate his behavior...
he stayed with numerous friends prior to joining the military ...
and they all kicked him out...
so, now what?
he is in California staying with friends...
prior to yesterday's call he had not talked to me in over a year...
because I would not lend him money...
I had on several other occasions, but this time I finally said no!
he was working with no bills..
and so, its back to tough love...
mental support, love, and guidance...
but, he will destroy my life if he comes to live with me
he has to show me a track record before I consider it...
have you had to do tough love?
I still wonder if I'm' doing the right thing...
but I hold steadfast to my beliefs and hope and pray that one day
he will GROW up!!
and stop blaming others for his behavior!!

4 comments:

www.MaisonStGermain.com said...

So sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you have done everything you could for your son. There are many parents in your shoes. I am sure it is scary for everyone but probably the best thing. I will keep the two of you in my prayers. Parenting is not an easy job.
Hugs ~Debra xxx
capers of the vintage vixens

Suzann said...

Debra,
It is so hard to be a single parent isn't it? I went through my divorce when my kids were in their teens and man i don't want to go through that again. Now I have a 16 year old son that is thinking he can get by just attending school. He is getting such great grades in ALL of his classes except for Spanish. He thinks he doesn't need it, how come kids just don't listen? You are only doing what you know is best for them.
I hope your son realizes soon how much you love him and only want the best for him. After my other sons were over the age of 21 they realized how much I loved them and was only doing what I thought best
for them.
Thanks for letting me vent and I wish you the best.
Suzann

littlethings1 said...

I was a single parent , I read your profile .... wish you would of been around 15 some years ago ! I rarely ever got child support , even reported many wrong doings with proof , address's to my child support agency and they never did anything ! Hurrah for you !!! Now , on to children ... I guess I have lived through every kind of situation when it comes to that !Raising children is a joy and a heartache all in one sometimes ! But I do see a light at the end of the tunnel, with a lot of prayer , I have had many miracles and changed lives ! Best to you and your son and that he will come to the right choices for his life !
Eunice

time worn interiors said...

Oh girl, I feel you pain! My son has nearly drove me nuts! His father and I divorced when he was 3 yrs. old! BUT we remained very good friends and still are to this day! When my son turned 18 he wanted to go live with his father in Texas who is an alcoholic! There was nothing I could do to stop it! Since he has been there, 2 years now, he has had a near fatal 4-wheeler accident, and totaled 3 pick-up trucks. 3 out of 4 of the accidents involved alcohol! I cringe every time the phone rings! He was such a good boy when he lived with me and now he has just gone wild! I don't even know how to pray for him any more! What in the world gets into these kids minds? I think you are doing the right thing, although thats easy for me to say not sure if I could do it! Such a hard situation! Feel free to e-mail me your phone number and maybe we can find a way to get through this together! Stay strong! Took alot for me to even admit this in writing! Just wanted you to know your not alone!
Theresa
aka:tot